Tombstone Humor

My friend X thinks I should become a comedian. I feel it could work. Especially if you like social awkward comedians who never quite know when to stop. Oh wait! That’s everyone.

I can see the tombstone now. “She was hysterical. If you liked talking about poop and dead people.”

Beautiful.

This is Why I Can’t Have Nice Things. Because I Can’t Make Decisions

If you have read but a single post, you are already aware of something. I have issues. If you are my friend and dealt with me on a personal level, you’re aware those issues are both blown out of proportion and I’M FUCKING CRAZY. You also still love me anyway. Wait, which one of us is crazy again?

So my latest issue is my tattoo. I’ve wanted a tattoo since… well, as long as I can remember knowing what one was. Yes, feel bad for my parents. I also told my mother I wanted a black leather wedding dress. That’s beside the point.

The point is, I promised myself a tattoo for a graduation present. I’ve had a design I love picked out for close to two years now. Still love it. The Boyfriend convinced me I should wait till I know I can pay the bills before paying someone to stab ink into my nether regions. I grudgingly accepted that maybe I should at least pretend to be a grown up first.

Well, it’s fucking November, I got hired in June and I can pay the bills. I even went to the tattoo parlor I picked, knowing the artist I wanted and spoke to people. (Yipee, big deal, I know) My coworker is planning one for her birthday. Okay, I’ll go with her in two weeks. And make the Boyfriend go even if he doesn’t really want to because dammit this will hurt and it’s important yes, he should go. Oh god, please go with me.

I have problems with body changes. It’ll take me up to a month after I decide I need a hair cut to actually book the appointment. The only piercings I didn’t hesitate for were my ears and my navel. My last one took forever for me to work up the courage to get. I liked how that area looked without metal, what if it changed things, blah, blah, blah. Well, piercings can be removed, so I got it. And I love it.

Tattoos can’t be removed. Easily. And I don’t mind how that area looks without ink. And other such panicky thoughts. Because I am a coward. I’m having two thoughts on placement.

Part of me wants it on my back because a) I’ve been told a tattoo would look stunning on me there and b) I wouldn’t have to look at it ALL the time. Just when I wanted. But the term “tramp stamp” annoys me to no end and I’d have to punch anyone who heckled me. It would get messy. Or no one would care because I blow things out of proportion.

The other part wants me to go with the original placement idea, which was, as one person put it, above my “magical baby hole” or as I like to refer to it, my lower stomach. I know, his term is more classy. It’s a good spot, easily hidden and my original idea. And I have no clue where I want it more.

Any suggestions? Other then “don’t get it, you idiot”. Because that’s not helpful, mom. And how did you find this place anyway?!