The Red Threads That Tie Us…

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Archive for the month “November, 2009”

A Two Part Series About Why My Life Is Awesome Right Now: Part 1

We all know I’m obsessed with fish. To the point where I fully expect to walk into an intervention one day and have to cling to bathroom aquarium* sobbing as my family tells me to kick the habit. Well, I have spread my disease. First, it was to The Boyfriend and his family. They’re pretty fish saturated now, so what to do next? A fish tank for my office! Perfect!

When I asked the office manager if she thought it would be okay, she thought it was such a good idea she wanted me to present the idea of having a waiting room fish tank for the whole office at the next community meeting. Seriously? Awesome, I’ll get right on that!

So I brought it up. I explained that I could do the care and maintenance. Another girl offered to help, we talked about cost and everyone agreed it was a great idea. I was charged with asking the new local pet shop if they’d throw us a discount or something if we put up a sign.

Cue me walking into my new favorite pet store. I stopped to play with the baby guinea pigs (*squeeeeee!* so cute!!) and then got down to business. How would they like to make a deal? Well, they wanted to deal. So I have got a FREE 20 gallon kit set up in the waiting room ready for the FREE fish I’ll be putting in later this afternoon. Oh, and the lovely gravel and decorations? Why I do believe they were discounted for us. BAM! I am so damn happy about this. Everyone loves the aquarium, and they’re so excited for the fish. They want to have a naming contest for the little guys.

I’m so shocked and pleased at how quickly this has all come together. Love it! You’ll get part 2 as soon as I have free time. So probably in another month.




*I don’t have a bathroom aquarium. Yet.


Letters to the Editor

I totally stole this idea from Shaba. I hope she forgives me. Or at least decides to punch me in person so I can see her. (I kid, if she didn’t punch Bitch/Ghost Roommate, I’m totally safe. Especially since I think she’ll be amused.)

Dear Coworker,

We work with the mentally ill. You know this client very well. You know how sensitive he is and how badly he gets thrown when his schedule is disrupted without notice and without an explanation. Is he a bit of a child about it? Yes, but THAT’S HIS FUCKING ILLNESS!! Do NOT just blow off plans with him and not explain it so that he has to come crying to me because you’re “mean” him and “don’t show respect”.

A Swift Kick in the Balls,

The Frazzled New Girl Who Apparently Knows More Than You


Dear Lady in the POS Chevy,

I understand that obviously your life and your business is far more important then my meaningless existence. However… that doesn’t make it okay for you to ride my ass in a 25 zone when I’m already doing 40. I’m already going pretty fucking fast for a twisty road, you bitch. Oh, and when we get to the stop sign, where there’s the fork to make it easier to go right of left DO NOT MAKE LIKE YOU’RE GOING RIGHT TO FUCKING CUT ME OFF BECAUSE I WASN’T GOING FAST ENOUGH, YOU USELESS WASTE OF SPERM AND EGG! You are so fucking lucky I didn’t hit you. Probably because I can actually control my vehicle.

Fuck You,

The Purple Faced Screaming Turtle


Dear Other Driver,

I understand that I might have a road rage issue. That was addressed in the above letter. Still, I sort of figured it was basic driving knowledge that when one side of the road is clear, that doesn’t make it a good driving decision to pull out of the parking lot and into the other lane when that lane side has ohhhh… five or six cars in it. Just a thought.

No, I won’t Let You In,

The Still Pissed Crazy Girl


Dear Self,

You should probably work on the anger level and response. We’d really like to avoid an aneurism. Oh, and jail. We’d like to avoid that too.

Thanks Bunches,


My Weekend Condensed in One Rambling Post

I guess I should update you since my life is kind of awesome right now. We’ll start out with some of the less awesome, but still interesting* stuff. You know how I’m addicted to fish**? Well, now I’m apparently addicted to plants as well. I walked into Lowes intending to buy potting soil and some cheap (but pretty!) pots to do some seeding and re-potting. Yeah, walked out with two more plants and had to restrain myself from getting any cacti. WANTS!!! One of the plants, in fact the one that broke my no buying plants rule in the store, I have no clue how to care for. No one knows what it is and it came with no care stick. I looked all over the place, none of them did. So yeah, I know how a plant I have no clue how to care for because it was “pretty”. I’m doomed.

The best/worst part? The Boyfriend is encouraging me. Says we don’t have enough green in the house. Yeah, we also don’t have enough sun for most plants! *whimpers* I’m also apparently doomed to live in places with awful window placement. It’s not as bad as the apartment at least.

Moving on… Saturday I went with one of my coworkers to get tattoos. FINALLY! After years of wanting and waffling, I finally have my lotus. It’s beautiful, healing nicely, and apparently I’m a freak of nature because everyone including the artist said “Are you sure you want it there? That shit’s going to huuuurt!” It was a little teeth clenching in some spots, but mostly just fine. Weird. My artist was wonderful and lovely as well. She is a total doll and I would let her tattoo whenever. I highly recommend White Mountain Tattoo, my coworker had a great experience too.

Oh yeah, and then Sunday night WE FINALLY GOT RUSSIA!!! Thank god my friend worked in the organization because otherwise we would still be waiting… don’t get me started on the lady doing transport. She forgot a dog in NC and realized in NY and wanted to turn around. Fucking idiot. She’s as fired as a volunteer can get and Meg got my puppy. We met up in Salem and took him home. He’s the biggest bundle of love you can imagine. He’s 21 pounds, silky black, and has the sharpest puppy teeth I’ve ever encountered. He’s going to be huge and he’s going to try his damnedest to be a lap dog. We’re so in love. And so tired because he does NOT like the crate when we’re sleeping. Other times are fine, but how dare we try to sleep apart from him! Never mind that his crate is right next to the bed.

I’ll try to remember to update with photos when I get home.

So… how are your lives awesome right now?



*I meant interesting me, not you, silly.

**For those of you who have stumbled on this without really knowing me, I have a lot of tanks, with a lot of fish… a lot. I’ve already got my next fish purchases planned out and I haven’t even moved all of mine up from my parents’. Don’t tell my mom.

Why Yesterday Sucked and How it was Made Better

Yesterday was supposed to be amazing. I was finally going to get Chinese dumplings (yaaaay!) and I was going to try making Bolognese sauce for the first time for dinner. Well, the dinner got tanked almost immediately. The Boyfriend’s parents had pasta the night before and wanted to relax in their own home for a night. So move that to Thursday, no big deal.

Then I get to work, pleased because I have a fairly full schedule and I’m the kind of freak that wants to work if I’m getting paid. I know, weeeirdo. I take care of my first client, scoring a delicious hot coffee on the way back for the both of us. Then I get to the parking lot and see This Guy. This Guy is not my client, but we all take care of each other’s clients when we can, so I’ve dealt with him before. This Guy is angry at the world, feels totally abused, and it a tall, built, heavily tattooed man with a gruff, rumbling voice and isn’t afraid to get in your face. Basically, the kind of guy who scares normal people, but I brush off because I have no survival instinct. I mean, because I’ve dealt with this type a lot and if he wasn’t also an asshole, we might be friends.

Well, This Guy wants to know why the fuck his case manager isn’t here if her van is. Never mind this is a common van, OBVIOUSLY it’s hers because he wants to talk to her. So I tell him I have to deal with some things, have appointments, but I’ll try to squeeze in some time for him to get some things taken care of. Fine, he wanders off.

I pop into the waiting room to find my 1130 decided that 945 was a good time to meet. This Guy starts getting angry, wanting to know how long this will take which when I get all frosty and tell him this is why appointments are made. He terrifies my 1130-turned-945, who is now calling me worried This Guy is going to punch him. 1130-turned-945 and I get some things signed and I remind him why we’re meeting at 1130 and return to deal with This Guy. Fine, we’ll get shit from your old apartment to your new place and stop at the doctor’s, but I HAVE to be back by 1130.

I almost punched a client that day. He was driving me crazy with his “two seconds!” “one minute!” “three more minutes!”. Look, I understand that you have a mental illness BUT NARCISSIM IS NOT SOMETHING WE DEAL WITH HERE!!! Everything was about him and how things weren’t being done right for him. Ugh. Then, as it’s 1124 and I have six minutes to make a 15 minute drive, he wants to have a discussion about my name and its meanings!!! So I broke a few speed limits and arrived for the 1130 appointment at 1140.

Everything was going to be better because we were going to lunch and I was getting Chinese dumplings! Yay! What? You want to go to… McDonald’s? Fuck. Fine. Get in the car.

Then my milkshake hurt my tummy, but that’s nothing. Last client of the day, we’re having a great time, I’m relaxing, she’s doing pretty well for her. We have to go back to Radio Shack for the second time that day to exchange something. Halfway through this, the employee leans over and in a stage whisper, in front of my client says, “Ummm… your fly is unzipped.”

SHIT! I handle it, saying “Whoops, that’s an issue,” and fixing it, thinking to myself thank GOD today was an underwear day! because these are not pants that pull “fly down” with grace and quiet dignity. Also, why didn’t this guy tell me before? Or my client? Or the many other people I interacted with since my last bathroom break? Thankfully, it was eventually addressed so the number of people who got to admire my new stripy boyshorts was mercifully minimized.

So how was this day saved without me hitting my head and being a giant whiner? (Obviously I failed at not being a giant whiner…) The Boyfriend declared that since dinner plans had fallen through and I didn’t get Chinese for lunch, we should have it for dinner.

So we did. And it was glorious. Yes, Gentle Readers, I did finally get my goddamn dumplings and while the outside was yummy, but not the yummiest, the inside was SCRUMPTIOUS! Understand that my dumpling eating usually involves me taking a few tiny bites of the inside meat and flicking the rest away. It also involves my mother twitching and swearing when I do this. So when I say I ate the ENTIRE dumpling, it is a major thing. Majorly delicious.

And thus, we end this outrageously long post on a high note. Thank the Dumpling Gods.

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