I have been in a funk lately, both in life and in writing. I do this sometimes. Shocker, I know. Usually I’m so subtle with my serpentine mood swings that no one can tell. My mother thinks I may have a touch of the wintertime woes. I think I’m lonely and just slightly unhinged.
Either way, I feel there are things missing from my life. A duo or maybe trio of wonderful girlfriends who can spontaneously go shopping or cooking with me. Seriously, this weekend I almost asked a WalMart employee if my ass looked dumpy in these jeans. I didn’t, thank god, but it was close. (Bonus Fun Fact: Never attempt to make yourself feel better by trying on WalMart clothes. You will discover that your thighs look a little bit like baby walruses trapped in denim and cotton.) I also miss having my best guy friends to chill with for an afternoon watching movies or strolling about town.
Please do not get me wrong. The Boyfriend is one of the bestest of best friends and an A+ snuggler, but he has his own life. I refuse to duct tape him to my side just to alleviate my blues. Also, I think he would slit his wrists with his fingernails if I tried to make him give me details about my ass in jeans in a dressing room. And he straight up REFUSES to let me braid his hair. I know, ridiculous. His excuse is that it’s not even an inch long, but all I hear is “blah blah blah, I don’t care about your needs.” Actually, to be honest I don’t hear anything because when ever I ask or try, he just gives me this stare. It’s chilling and clearly states that I am a mere IQ point away from legally retarded.
This general feeling of blah is compounded by the fact that Tim Gunn is not my stylist (and if the Boyfriend hears his name on more time, I think I’m sleeping on the couch) and I feel frumpy. Or hideous, it really depends on the day. Yes, I could work out and save a little money for clothes, but these things don’t make me feel better. Trust me, that whole euphoria thing they talk about when you exercise? Total bullshit. Give me a fucking brownie any day.
I love my job, I love where I live and who I live with. Even when Russia the Puppy gets a little over excited or as we call it “acts like a little bastard”. I just feel kind of stuck. Any suggestions to cheer myself up or give myself something to do? And please don’t suggest cleaning the house because while I dearly wish to (New year, things should be CLEAN and ORGANIZED) that would involve caging the pup and I try to avoid that as much as possible. Then I sit down to unwind a bit and never seem to get up.
OH MY GOD, IT’S A HORRIBLE SPIRAL, FROM WHICH I WILL NEVER ESCAPE. Or something dramatic like that.