This is why I never make New Years Resolutions. Because I am terrible at them and the petulant teenager in me apparently goes “Oh, you think you’re going to do what? Yeah… I don’t think so, bitch.”
That’s my subtle way of saying that I have not really “thought beautifully” for any length of time since my last post. Go me. I understand that I get hormone fluxes that seriously affect my temperament. But this is bullshit.
I am so tired of being negative. It’s like I cannot stop my mind from hating me and everything around me. Yes, I am tired. Yes, money is tight. Yes, I weigh more than I find attractive. These are factors in a bad mood, but it’s no real reason for the near constant barrage of negativity I’ve had slamming into my mind. I can’t turn it off once it starts!!
I have moments where I am happy and laughing, but the moments where I am nearly in tears (or I actually am sobbing, hiding in the bedroom or bathroom) or silently raging are increasing. Again.
I don’t even want to finish this because I’m upset at how ugly it is.
Ugh. I’ll try to be better. But sometimes I wish I was enough just as I am.