The Red Threads That Tie Us…

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Archive for the month “April, 2011”

“I have a feeling.” Yeah, that you’re about to be slapped with a restraining order.

I’ve been doing a little internet dating. Rather, I put a profile on a few sites and others have been doing a little stalking. Originally it was just fun to see who was out there, in fact my friend started it by making me a profile as a joke. At this point? I barely even check the sites.

Don’t get me wrong, it has been an AWESOME boost to my self confidence. I don’t think I’ve ever had so many people complimenting me and trying to get my attention. However… apparently the vast majority of guys are on these sites because no one ever taught them how to talk to women. “Heo[sic] cutie, how you feel about casual sex?” Uhhhh, I think you’re 19, 90 miles away, and EWWWWWWW. “Hey, liked ur pics and u don’t seem totally batshit crazy.” Oh, you could tell that from my three pictures, one of which is of a giant snake looped over my shoulders? You are clearly an excellent judge of character. “Nice pics, here’s my number. I know I’ll hear from you soon.” No. No you won’t.

I get it, a lot of creeps hang on those website hoping for an easy lay. But even those people who seem to be looking for a relationship have no clue how to really talk to anyone. I had some guy lay it on so thickly I was choking. “You are my beautiful internet crush. I have a feeling we’re meant to be. I know we’ve only started talking, but I really can’t wait to meet you. Can you come tonight? I’ll be a gentleman, I promise.”  That one right there continued to text me for two weeks after I stopped responding. The next guy who managed to get my number sent me 36 picture messages in the span of 12 hours and also went a little bananas. He was 22 and already divorced and it wasn’t hard to see why. Sweet lord, the questions he asked, the audacity… it was funny when it wasn’t harassing.

So I’m going back to what I had planned all along. I’m going to be happy with myself (check), be open to meeting new people, and just have a good time. Hopefully without creeps who can’t take even the most blunt of hints.



I need a haircut. This could be a beautiful metaphor about my life and where I need to take it (snipping off the dead ends and the like) but I’m too lazy to really work it through right now. Also, I legitimately need a hair cut. As in, I rock short hair and haven’t seen Stephanie of the Shears (official title I just gave my hairdresser) since mid-November. Luckily, she’s awesome so my hair is growing out in a fabulous fashion, but…

It’s time.

So what’s the big deal? Just call The Shears and get it done, right? Wrong. I’ve discussed this before, but I am awful at making appointments for anything personal, important, or having to do with changing things. I’m not sure what this mental block is, but it is borderline retarded. It seriously annoys, but since my mind is controlled by a pissy 14 year old girl, I just kind of get in a cat-fight with myself and nothing changes.

It’s not like I’m scared she’s going to do something terrible to my hair… hair is hair to me. It grows. Try something fun and different and if it sucks, give it a week and try something else. Or… keep the same haircut that has worked for roughly the past three years. I hope I try something fun and different, but my hair is incredibly fine and difficult to work with.

It’s not that I’m worried she’s going to ask how Joe and I are doing and I’ll have to awkwardly explain the breakup. He’s already gotten a haircut, I’m sure, and filled her in. So she’ll ask how I’m doing, eyes wary for tears, and I can wave a hand dismissively and smile, telling her how much fun I’m having.

Ugh. So I just have to stop being a jerk and go. Be okay with changes. JUST MAKE THE DAMN PHONE CALL, YA PANSY.

I have the same problem with picking things to decorate the apartment with. Mental block! Can’t choose! Let’s make this go away, shall we?


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