The Red Threads That Tie Us…

Grab a thread and tug.

Archive for the tag “animals”

Things I Am No Longer Going to Apologize For:

  • The random little songs I sing to myself and the people/animals around me. They make me happy and they’re so ridiculous, you should probably be laughing too.
  • That farts still make me laugh. It might make me a ten year old boy, but it’s a funny noise and it’s not supposed to happen, so I’m probably going to crack up. There is obviously a time and a place for this.
  • That I am paranoid as fuck* about certain things
  • *That I have a mouth like a sailor. (Again, I know there is a time and a place for this and in front of a kid is not it)
  • That I am a diehard romantic. I am always going to root for a good love story.
  • That I will always be willing to forgive someone more than my friends think I should. Has it caused me pain in the past? Oh lord, absolutely… but it’s who I am and I’m tired for apologizing for being me.
  • That I love nail polish. Don’t like the fact I have over 50 bottles and will get more? That’s so sad for you, I’m going to admire my pretty, pretty nails while you bitch about it.
  • That I want to be a tom boy, Goth princess, punk, badass fighter, and elegant woman all rolled into one. It’s why I joke I need 8 weddings, I’ll never be able to decide what style to go with.
  • Enjoying my men with excellent muscle structure. Call me primitive or shallow or whatever you like, I love a ripped guy. Obviously personality trumps all (just look at some of my crushes) but I’m not going to feel bad for lusting after a sexy body.
  • Being completely ridiculous. Love me and all my quirks, or get the hell out of my life.

Just a little something I had to get off my chest and put out to remind myself that I don’t need to be sorry for being me.

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Burst the Bubble

Would you rather know the details of something that was
awful and had the potential to deeply disturb you and stay with you or would
you rather be blissfully unaware?

I ask this because often I will learn of something that is
so awful I feel I have to share, but I know most people don’t want to hear
about it. Part of me can’t blame them. I’m the kind of person who has scenes
and phrases that will replay in my mind for years and years. It’s not nice to
have that kind of thing in your head. It’s not comfortable.

Joe used to ask why I would look at articles of animal abuse
or get involved in trying to save animals on the euthsinia list if it made me
cry. He couldn’t understand why anyone would continue to do something that
clearly upset them.

But if everyone looks away, ignores what is happening, then
who steps up? Who says “This isn’t right, there has to be another way. There
has to be a way to stop this from happening.”? I understand the idea of staying
in that comfortable bubble. I get why people want to leave things alone.

But I can’t always be that person. What do you do? It’s okay
to be in that bubble… you have to be able to work on yourself before you work
on the world. I’m just curious how people see themselves.

It’s Not Always Gumdrops and Glitter

Just to be clear, life is not all peachy and perfect for me. I don’t want to give the impression that Joe and I broke up and the world became right. God, no. I have my moments of deep sadness, even depression. This weekend I almost broke down in the shower because I wasn’t able to control my two huge dogs on a walk as well as I wanted. I was so mad and sad and felt like I was failing in every aspect. But then I realized it was nearly 11 and all I had had to eat was a handful of mini marshmallows. Not exactly the breakfast of the sane and rational.

I get mad at Joe for the choices he made and I get upset when I see all the things I could have done differently. The important part is that when I catch myself doing this, I work really hard to stop. Looking back is important because we need to learn from the past, but you cannot change what has already happened. Concentrating on that leads only to madness.

I AM happier, I AM healthier, and I AM continuing to do what I see as best for myself and my loves. I’m legitimately excited for the future and what I’m going to find there. It’ll be big and it’ll be impressive, because I honestly can’t accept anything less than that. I mean too much to accept less than what I deserve.

The best part is that I’m finally learning that those words are true. They aren’t just something I’m saying to shut up a well meaning friend or family member. I am worth it. I may still get sad or angry or hate the way I look in that shirt, but at least those are becoming the rare moments in my life instead of the normal.

So I’ll forgive myself those brief moments when I want to slam a fist through a wall or want to crawl under the covers and cry. Because they are brief. And they remind me of how far I’ve come and how much more I have to go.

It’s going to be a fun journey! There will probably be fire…

Breakthrough.

Today was kind of a big day for me. In a very small way, but it still made me proud.

Those who have dealt with me on a personal level for awhile probably know that while I’m loud and silly and willing to dance like a lunatic or yell out the window at a friend’s crush, I am also painfully shy. Shy to the point where I will just stop. Stop walking, stop talking, and occasionally stop breathing. It’s almost as if my mind shuts down on me.

It makes me sad that for all my effort to improve my confidence (which is actually working ridiculously well, with some noticeable exceptions) I can still have these moments of debilitating shyness. ESPECIALLY when faced with someone I like. This can be true of an attractive guy or even just someone I’d like to be friends with, but am unsure of their reaction to me.

I literally turned and walked away a few weeks ago when my roommate and I were joking around and a guy I thought was pretty cute walked past and Jessie nudged me towards him. I didn’t ask for the name of guy who tracked me across a crowded concert floor to talk to me, I just let myself be led away when my friend decided to leave. (Oh, do I regret that…) Words dried up in my throat when a neighborhood man who walks his dogs and looks like he might be a nice person to know smiled at me and made a small attempt at conversation. I was disappointed in myself and felt like my new-found confidence was just a sham.

But today was kind of a breakthrough. I went on a walk at lunch and saw the dog walker. He smiled at me and I smiled back. My steps continued to take me forward and he looked a little disappointed. I couldn’t keep doing this to myself. I stopped and asked “Hey, what kind of dogs are those? They’re gorgeous.” It wasn’t much, but it got me a nice five minute conversation with someone new that seemed to like animals as much as me. He even took the initiative to introduce himself when I said that I didn’t want to hold up his walk further. He clearly enjoyed the conversation, which made me really happy that I had finally said something.

I took it a step further a little later that afternoon. I replied to someone “famous” on Twitter, which sounds so silly, but it was something I had been too shy to do before. “Oh, they won’t notice. My comment doesn’t really mean that much. I should just be silent.” Well, my comment might be only one of fifty, but it still means something.

Little steps that may not seem like much to you, but being able to do these things give me a lift for the rest of the day. I hope I remember this feeling the next time I look down after smiling at someone.

Inspiring

I received the nicest compliment I’ve gotten in a long time yesterday. My coworker K has a little boy who is around nine who comes into the office once in awhile. He and I frequently chat about my office beta and he keeps me up to date on his fiddler crab situation. He is a very sweet, incredibly charming little boy whose smile can light up the room. Apparently, he went to his mom the other day and asked “Do you know who inspired me to take really good care of my pets and love all creatures, furry and scaly?” Then he beamed up at her and said “AlexMac did!”

When K told me that, it just made my day. It was just the pick up I needed. I don’t know if I’ve ever been anyone’s inspiration before.

 

Revolutionary Girl is Back!

So a lot has happened since my last post.

The Boyfriend decided that he didn’t want to try and live with me anymore. We were having issues, been feeling more like roommates than anything else, but instead of talking about it, he just quit. I was shocked and upset and hurt, but almost instantly my thought was “It’s his loss.” And it is. I’m a lot of work, but I’m worth it in the end and he didn’t want to stick it out. Some other stuff happened, but it’s not worth going into. We’re sharing custody of our two dogs, but I have them most of the time right now.

I’ve moved out, into a three bedroom INCREDIBLE apartment with my coworker and friend. I’m loving it. The apartment has such great vibes and light and Jessie is so easy to get along with. We’ve been having so much fun together.

My depression is pretty much gone. I don’t expect that to last forever, but it’s a nice break! I will always get sad and angry at times, but my highs right now are wonderful. And they seem to be lasting. A lot of my depression was revolving around my relationship and how I never felt like enough or like I was being a real partner. And we weren’t. We waited too long to really talk and try to work out our problems so this is how it worked out. I’m okay with this. I’m really looking forward to what the future brings me.

I hope The Boyfriend and I can be friends, good friends, because that’s what we’ve always been. But I’m leaving that ball in his court because he doesn’t seem to want to be around me and I’m sure as hell not pushing. I went that route before and a one sided friendship is just awful. So The Boyfriend is now just Joe and we’ll either be friends or just civil when we pass the dogs off to one another.

I followed ChelseaTalksSmack’s idea for Valentine’s Revolution to a certain extent. I’ve always loved Valentine’s Day, single or not, and this year my roommate Jessie and I were both single, so we planned an awesome day! We bought salmon and rice for dinner, a bunch of spa things to treat ourselves with afterwards. We ended up spending a lot of time building a tv stand and putting up a curtain rod, but we still managed to make and decorate two heart shaped cakes, one for us and one for the office, putting on masks, and enjoy The Proposal, which was hilarious! Very sweet, too. It was a wonderful day, and I’m really looking forward to more days like it.

So how are all of you?

Stop It

Argh… can’t stand it. I have to counter-act the negativity of my last post with something good.

We caught three feral cats during the really cold snap after Christmas and they’ve all been fixed, checked for disease, and vaccinated. The little ones have lung worm, but they’re fighting it off.

These are the younger two. One is definitely going to be adoptable; the other one might be if he gets enough affection. They look so nervous here!

It's okay, little guys! We're the food givers!

They were caught together in the same trap

I didn’t get a picture of the older black guy because he was so terrified and flying everywhere trying to get away from us at the shelter. Then when I showed up later, he was hiding under the blankets. He’ll be released soon, so he’ll be happy again and free of parasites.

I already had offers from two co-workers to go and snuggle with the cats for an hour to help make them more adoptable. That’s so wonderful!

See, this is what I need to be thinking about when I start getting miserable. It’s just so hard to break into the spiral once it has started.

Slump

I’m in a slump. The title might have given that away. I know, I’m subtle. But every time I try to write here, I get stuck. Nothing seems right. I could talk about my animals, but I figure people are sick of it. I could talk about how I’m feeling, but honestly, I’m either depressed or angry and no one needs to hear about that. I dislike spreading that around more than I do already.

It feels like my life is crazy, but nothing really new is going on. I hate this feeling of dissatisfaction, especially when I don’t know how to fix it.

I’m hoping this vacation I’m taking with my family will go a long way to fixing my slump. We’re spending a week in St. John and I cannot WAIT to get out there. Sadly, The Boyfriend is not going, but that means I don’t have to pay anyone to watch the pets.

I don’t know, what do you guys do to get yourself out of a slump?

Happy Halloween!

The Cutest Pumpkin Ever

Pumpkin Pig!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

You would have been treated to an adorable photo of one of my sweet animals dressed up, but The Boyfriend feels that it would terrify my guinea pig, and destroy the dignity of the rabbits and dogs. Russia would have been the cutest bumble bee ever! So instead, enjoy this stranger pig I discovered. Still cute!

Also? I’d love to know how I went from sneering at the idea of dressing animals to plotting ways to get my guys in costume. Clearly I have been possessed.

Isis the Puppy Needs You

I just looked over and realized that one of my brand new office goldfish is perfectly colored for Halloween. Bright orange and deep black splotches all over his white body. I love it! Since I bleached the hell out of the Death Cooties that were infecting the tank, I feel safe getting new office goldfish. Let’s hope I wasn’t foolish and greedy.

But… that’s not why I’m writing today. Today I’m writing because I found a wonderful, funny blogger, MFA Mama. She takes situations that would make most people cry and throw their hands up in defeat and turns them into funny life lessons and gets on with her day. She also loves animals. And her children. Annnnd that’s where this post comes in.

She got her family a self-confidence boost in the form of the most adorable pit bull puppy I’ve seen in a long time, Isis.

I want to squeeze her.

Isn't she adorable?

Isis has made the family so happy. Then Isis got a really bad, really serious skin infection. Sadly, most people finding themselves in this situation give up on the dog and move on, either euthanizing or abandoning the pup. MFA Mama managed to rummage through her savings and rally the internet and started the expensive journey of saving her dog.

But the Universe wasn’t done laughing and kicking dirt in their faces. I could go into tons of detail, but honestly, MFA Mama sums it up best in her posts and if you’re interested, I highly recommend you skip over there to catch up on the story.

What it all comes down to is this family and their pup could use some help. Even a dollar would make a difference. If you can’t do a dollar, bug other people to donate. OH! And totally check out her new MFOrganic Sea Salt Scrub. I want it. I will have it as soon as I get another pay check.

Oh, and if you donate or write a post to spread the word about Isis before November 2nd, you get entered into a sweet give-away. So, if you need more incentive than helping an adorable puppy with a good family, there ya go.

Now make Isis smile! Donate! Spread the word!

I love pictures like this

Smile Pretty!

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