The Red Threads That Tie Us…

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Archive for the tag “boyfriend”

The Anger Sharks are Swimming in My Head.

Le sigh… I was hoping I would be over this, since it happened three days ago, but apparently I have trouble letting go. Not exactly shocking news to anyone who knows me.

I’ve been reading a few articles lately about how telling someone about something that is upsetting you actually doesn’t make you feel better because you hold on to the negative thoughts and feelings instead of just letting them go. Well, I find that when I don’t tell someone when something is bothering me, it builds up in me like something fermenting and rotting until it bursts from the container of me and spills all over the unfortunate soul closest to me. That’s not fun for anyone.

So here’s a Pro Tip for everyone with friends… don’t call your buddy to complain about how what someone said to you really hurt your feelings and was totally out of bounds and then IMMEDIATELY insult your friend that you turned to for comfort!!

I have a friend who is OBSESSED with her husband. He’s the smartest, greatest man that was ever gifted to the earth by God. Never mind the fact that he can’t keep a job. That’s everyone else’s fault. Never mind the fact that he puts her down all the time. That’s just because women are legitimately less intelligent than men. (I get ill thinking about how she believed that at one point.) Never mind all the reasons he’s actually one of the biggest (truly, he’s quite large) stereotypes of white trash out there.

Apparently, the fact that I have a boyfriend who is attractive and cares enough to keep himself in relatively good shape means that he’s a tool. Yes, this friend called to complain that her mother-in-law had absolutely no right to bitch about the state of her house and tell her that she shouldn’t be pregnant and then immediately decided that she’d let me know her illustrious husband has deemed Mike a tool because he’s attractive and works out. Obviously, my friend agrees with her husband and Mike is clearly a tool. Oh, don’t worry, I shouldn’t be offended, her husband was totally a tool back in high school before he hurt his back. Big, giant eye roll on my part.

Arrrrrrgh, this is the dumbest post ever, but I’m still so annoyed. I don’t even know why I’m so offended. I think what made it worse was that five minutes later, she telling me that if I choose to marry this guy, she’s my maid of honor. When I said that I was probably going to make one of my sisters the maid of honor if my life went in that direction, she got made and told me that I had promised her the maid of honor spot. No. Just… no.

I’m sorry, I promise the next post will be better. It’ll probably be Part Two of the story of how Mike and I got together. Or something about how adorable my dogs are. Or an embarrassing story about toilets. I don’t know. Anything would be better.

Oh, Hello Again

So I am wildly, stupidly, embarrassingly in love.

Except it doesn’t feel stupid. And I’m not embarrassed by it.

I wrote about how I felt about turning 25 and how that plan I didn’t know I had was crumbling before me. I thought about all of my options in front of me. I looked at new places to move and thought about getting back into the criminal part of my degree instead of the mental health part. I decided I’d check those online dating profiles again, but I expected to be disappointed.

And I was. For the most part.

I was talking to several men and just enjoying the flirt as I planned to move or do something different, finally. Perhaps I’d go to Georgia. Atlanta is a very dog friendly city. It would be fun to try something new. A few guys asked to meet and I always found an excuse not to. Even when they got very persistent. It just didn’t feel right.

I kept messaging several guys, but one started to stand out. He shouldn’t have… he seemed to be a lot of what I didn’t normally like. He had a shirtless picture, showing off some (fairly impressive) muscle and while I’m a giant fan of muscle, most of the guys who post ab shots turn out to be self-obsessed jerks. He invited me to come join a poker game he was having with some friends… I’m not a huge fan of gambling. He was incredibly attractive, which has been a sign of a player in my experience on dating sites.  And he lived an hour away. I should not have been as interested. I didn’t think he should be interested in me.

Then he called me. The sparks were instantaneous. I was cracking up, having the best time talking to this stranger who didn’t feel like a stranger. He made me laugh, and blush, and I felt like I could really talk to him. I hate talking on the phone! But I didn’t want to stop talking to him. He wanted me to meet him for dinner the next night, but I didn’t have the gas money or dinner money. He offered to pay for both, but there was no way I was going to let some stranger do that. What if we bored each other? I didn’t want him to pay that much for an evening he didn’t enjoy. What if he did turn out to be a creep and expected me to have sex with him for the money? Finally we agreed to meet the next week, after I had been paid. We talked a little more and hung up. I couldn’t stop smiling. Jessie commented on how happy I looked.

It wasn’t ten minutes later that this guy was calling me back. “I can’t do this… I can’t wait a week to see someone who has made me laugh this much,” he said. “Let me pay for dinner and your gas and if it works out, you can pay for a movie next week… if it doesn’t, you got a nice dinner and I really don’t mind about the money.”

Normally, I never would have agreed. I’m far more cautious and I just don’t operate that way. But nothing with this guy was going to be normal, as I was discovering. I didn’t want to wait a week to see him either. We agreed to meet the next night and then spent another hour on the phone.

The next night was a fluttering of nerves and excitement. We had the standard awkward greeting in the parking lot where we didn’t know if we should hug or shake hands. (I still get ribbed about that) Dinner was delicious and a lot of fun. He didn’t even mind that my ex’s aunt, who was apparently a waitress there, came over to hug me and tell me how much she missed me. We laughed about how they gave out the bread in brown bags. Dinner ended, but we didn’t want the evening to end with it. No coffee shop was open, so we ended up sitting in the parking lot of a gas station with their coffee until 1130 at night. We finally parted, agreeing that we had to meet up again and soon. He asked what I was doing tomorrow. I laughed, thinking he was joking, but hoping he wasn’t. “Nothing that I know of,” I replied and he smiled. We drove away in opposite directions and it wasn’t even two minutes before one of us was calling the other. We didn’t get off the phone until nearly two that morning.

I saw him again the next night. And the next. And the next.

It was the start of something really amazing.

Revolutionary Girl is Back!

So a lot has happened since my last post.

The Boyfriend decided that he didn’t want to try and live with me anymore. We were having issues, been feeling more like roommates than anything else, but instead of talking about it, he just quit. I was shocked and upset and hurt, but almost instantly my thought was “It’s his loss.” And it is. I’m a lot of work, but I’m worth it in the end and he didn’t want to stick it out. Some other stuff happened, but it’s not worth going into. We’re sharing custody of our two dogs, but I have them most of the time right now.

I’ve moved out, into a three bedroom INCREDIBLE apartment with my coworker and friend. I’m loving it. The apartment has such great vibes and light and Jessie is so easy to get along with. We’ve been having so much fun together.

My depression is pretty much gone. I don’t expect that to last forever, but it’s a nice break! I will always get sad and angry at times, but my highs right now are wonderful. And they seem to be lasting. A lot of my depression was revolving around my relationship and how I never felt like enough or like I was being a real partner. And we weren’t. We waited too long to really talk and try to work out our problems so this is how it worked out. I’m okay with this. I’m really looking forward to what the future brings me.

I hope The Boyfriend and I can be friends, good friends, because that’s what we’ve always been. But I’m leaving that ball in his court because he doesn’t seem to want to be around me and I’m sure as hell not pushing. I went that route before and a one sided friendship is just awful. So The Boyfriend is now just Joe and we’ll either be friends or just civil when we pass the dogs off to one another.

I followed ChelseaTalksSmack’s idea for Valentine’s Revolution to a certain extent. I’ve always loved Valentine’s Day, single or not, and this year my roommate Jessie and I were both single, so we planned an awesome day! We bought salmon and rice for dinner, a bunch of spa things to treat ourselves with afterwards. We ended up spending a lot of time building a tv stand and putting up a curtain rod, but we still managed to make and decorate two heart shaped cakes, one for us and one for the office, putting on masks, and enjoy The Proposal, which was hilarious! Very sweet, too. It was a wonderful day, and I’m really looking forward to more days like it.

So how are all of you?

The One Where I Hate Myself… Again.

So apparently it’s the all new raging fad to admit that you are insane. Or at least going through some crappy times that make you feel crappy for way long than you think is acceptable. This? Sucks.

The Bloggess, always an inspiration, is calling out for people to talk about their problems. She was inspired by someone who actually made a documentary (a little one, but powerful) about coming out about his mental illness.

Part of me thinks “Awesome! I’m not alone!” But the other part is just sad that soooo many people feel this badly. Seriously? I have tears in my eyes right now. But I’m willing to admit I’m not feeling exactly stable.

I am the biggest hypocrite. I work in the mental health field. I KNOW how important it is to talk, to let people know how you are feeling. That going to therapy can be a good thing! But I’m ashamed to let certain people know I’m talking to someone. Professionally. And I cried telling my person that I was depressed. HOW CAN I FEEL THAT WAY?! I TELL EVERYONE I KNOW WHO IS HAVING ISSUES TO TALK TO SOMEONE! THAT IT’S OKAY TO TAKE THOSE MEDS IF DEEMED NECESSARY! But I’m ashamed.

I’m scared to talk to the people who really matter about how I feel. The Boyfriend? I have no idea how he is living with me right now. Maybe he doesn’t even notice. Maybe I’m making this all up in my head. All I know is I can’t sleep at night because all I think about is how I’m not enough and I’m worthless and I’M SO FUCKING SICK AND TIRED OF BEING SAD AND ANGRY.

I feel like I’m just spinning around and around. I go through spurts of happy and think “Yaaaay! It’s over!” and then BAM, something happens and my mind is curled up in a ball inside my head, whimpering.

All I know is I need to stop avoiding things I worry will hurt and just fucking confront them.

Slump

I’m in a slump. The title might have given that away. I know, I’m subtle. But every time I try to write here, I get stuck. Nothing seems right. I could talk about my animals, but I figure people are sick of it. I could talk about how I’m feeling, but honestly, I’m either depressed or angry and no one needs to hear about that. I dislike spreading that around more than I do already.

It feels like my life is crazy, but nothing really new is going on. I hate this feeling of dissatisfaction, especially when I don’t know how to fix it.

I’m hoping this vacation I’m taking with my family will go a long way to fixing my slump. We’re spending a week in St. John and I cannot WAIT to get out there. Sadly, The Boyfriend is not going, but that means I don’t have to pay anyone to watch the pets.

I don’t know, what do you guys do to get yourself out of a slump?

Happy Halloween!

The Cutest Pumpkin Ever

Pumpkin Pig!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

You would have been treated to an adorable photo of one of my sweet animals dressed up, but The Boyfriend feels that it would terrify my guinea pig, and destroy the dignity of the rabbits and dogs. Russia would have been the cutest bumble bee ever! So instead, enjoy this stranger pig I discovered. Still cute!

Also? I’d love to know how I went from sneering at the idea of dressing animals to plotting ways to get my guys in costume. Clearly I have been possessed.

Okay, Now I’m Ready For It

I’m sitting here in a sweater that feels like a large kitten is hugging me, drinking pumpkin flavored coffee. The day is gray and drizzly and I am just the right temperature. I am so ready for this!

Honestly, I was probably two weeks behind everyone I know when it came to fall weather. I hadn’t gone swimming yet, I hadn’t done a lot of my customary summery things. I was holding on pretty hard. Luckily, the weather agreed with me and I managed to pack a lot of summer in right at the end.

Now I’m ready for soups*, boots, cute sweaters, pumpkins, apples, and changing leaves. Oh, and HALLOWEEN!!! One of my favorite of favorite holidays. Always has been. It fills me with glee. Even better? The Boyfriend feels similarly. He’s far less likely to dress up, but this morning he looked at me and said “There aren’t any holidays** between now and Halloween. I think we should start getting things out. Like the pumpkin spice candles!” Then his heart was broken because I informed him that while we did have those candles, they were in the storage room. In the back. Behind everything we stuck up there. Oops.

Oh, and I made a totally kick ass beef and vegetable soup for dinner last night. I made it with all local vegetables annnnd I made the recipe up myself! It was declared a success. Obviously there are some minor changes (like more corn, less potatoes, and a low sodium broth) but I’m pleased.

What are you looking forward to this fall season?

*Let’s be honest… every season is soup season for me. I don’t care if it’s 90 degrees out there. I will probably still eat soup.

**Columbus Day doesn’t count because you don’t decorate for it and I don’t even like it. I call it Leif Erikson Day. Or Explorer Day. Yes, I was totally that annoying kid in your Social Studies clas.

Bunny Battle

So last night I got in a fight with my bunny. Well, not really a fight so much as I got ambushed. Either way, my face lost.

As I was taking her back to her cage after letting her run about the living room, she decided she’d rather not and FLIPPED, leaping from my arms and using my face as a spring board to freedom. So now I’m sporting a very attractive gouge from my forehead to the middle of my left check and two bloody pockmarks under my left eye. Sexy, yes? This will be fun to explain to my clients.

I also have to call the vet because as The Boyfriend was petting her last night, he pulled a giant clump of fur off her back. Now she has a very smooth, nickel sized bald spot when your ruffle her fur. She is acting fine, there are no marks on her, and it’s probably just from the stress of the After Attack Capture, but my paranoia and I will be calling the vet just to make sure I didn’t break my bunny.

New Pet!

So. I did not adopt Precious, but she did go to a new home, so that’s very exciting. I have added to my ever expanding pet family though! The Boyfriend and I finally decided to make our foster dog, Tanner, a permanent member of the family.

We got Tanner in January and he was adopted in February. Sadly (not for us) the adoption didn’t work out because a family member was wildly allergic to him and he came back to us in March. He is an absolutely doll baby of a dog. He’s anywhere from 3 to 8 years old. It’s hard to tell because when he first came into the rescue he was suffering from some very serious heartworm, so he was sluggish and acting like a very old dog. Then he came to us. The day he came he was dropped off at my work and I immediately brought him inside for some love from the coworkers. And oh, did this dog need love. Part Lab, Golden Retriever, and probably Bloodhound, he weighed 56 pounds, his hips and ribs showing, he was stinky, and you couldn’t pet him even once without your hand coming away with that dirty dog grime you get when you pet a dog for (usually) a long time. Even with having a nearly 2 day trip, which meant no food, all he wanted was to be pet. He immediately lay on the ground for belly rubs. His eyes ate at your soul because they were so sad.

They were sad for a reason. Tanner was found in Georgia tied to a tree AFTER the owners of the house had moved away. Then he was taken to a kill shelter. The boy is lucky to be alive.

However, the moment he walked into the house, his eyes lit up and his butt wiggled and he went straight for the couch. The Boyfriend commented on how it was like he was different dog.

We bathed him that night and he just let us. He was so good. Through everything we discovered that he was scratching himself till he bled because he had a yeast infection everywhere. Four months later we discovered that the yeast had been covering up sarcoptic mange, which he had given to Russia. (They’re fine now) He had tape worms as well. We fixed him up and got him a home. He left us fatter, happier, and much healthier. I’ll give the adopters this, he came back to us at a perfect weight and with a new shot of confidence. He actually plays with toys now, which is kinda huge.

Anyway, I knew were going to have trouble giving him up a second time when I started getting protective over him going to an adoption display. Even for the day. And The Boyfriend kept worrying about whether Tanner knew we loved him. He had to stay out of the bedroom because that was Russia’s one Tanner-free space that was his.

So when The Boyfriend turned to me a few weeks ago and asked “What would you think about keeping Tanner? Like making him a permanent family member?” I wasn’t surprised. But I was really pleased.

So he’s ours now.

RIDE RIDE RIDE RIDE RIDE!

He LOVES to go for car rides. You open a door and he's in the vehicle.

Why aren't you petting me?

Look at those eyes! They beg for love. And treats. And pets.

I share it with a serial killer and video game.

IT’S MY BIRTHDAY! And payday, so that’s good too. Obviously I view this as a national holiday. Not only because it’s my birthday, but because birthdays rock over all.

So far I have had a very nice one. Cinnamon rolls for breakfast, cards and cake from my coworkers, flowers and a balloon from The Boyfriend’s mom… yeah, good day. We’re going out to dinner so I don’t have to clean up and then MORE CAKE!

My cake at work even had little plastic animals on it. As my mother said, clearly these people know me.

So anyway… have a wonderful day today. Because today is AlexMac Day and I decree that all must have a sparkly good time. Or at least try, dammit.

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