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Archive for the tag “college”

Hanging On for the Ride

It’s hard getting my thoughts in order and then down on the page. I’m so used to being able to write nearly effortlessly that this… disconnect has been very strange for me. Obviously, I don’t write as much as I did and things have been very stressful for the past…. year. But still… I feel I should still write as well and easily as before.

Things have been very black and white lately. 2011 is pulling a Dickens and becoming the best and worst of times. My self-confidence and self-worth have risen to a level I never thought possible. I’ve met some great people and gotten closer to others that I treasure. I find myself a stronger person. However, it’s also been a year of some serious depression and upheavals. Change can be good, but it is always stressful and plans never work out quite the way you saw them originally.

What’s all this vague blah blah blah about? A great example is the end of the July heading into the foreseeable future. My heart was filled to bursting as I traveled back to NEPA to attend the wedding of the Philosopher to his beautiful partner. I got to spend some serious quality time with some of my best friends. Shaba and I have decided this seeing each other once a year for weddings bullshit has to stop. We’re out of mutual friends prepared to make the leap, afterall.

However, the day I arrived, I also got the news I was dreading about the health of a close family member. It is an interesting feeling in the heart to feel incredibly happy and devastated at the same time. Then mix in some fury, since I deal with things well. We won’t even mention the stress from job concerns, since that takes a serious back seat to this.

Another layer added on to this complicated trifle of emotions was that right as all of this was happening, I was also starting something more than just an exchange of emails with a guy from one of the dating sites. The first one to grab my attention and keep it. To make my heart pound. The first one to make me act like a total girl and throw on thirty different outfits before meeting for pizza. He can make me smile from just a text and has me constantly laughing and happy when I’m with him. And I seem to be doing the same things for him (although he’d probably object to being called a girl and I doubt he put on thirty outfits before meeting me at the drive-in last night).

Of course because it’s me, he can’t be a simple guy in my mountains, just doing his thing. No, he’s a Navy man (mmm, that uniform)(also bonus points due to serious pride for my father’s Naval service) who is going through his own share of troubles. An hour and a half away from me. But if he can brighten my heart through the health issues and missing of friends and I can make him laugh despite his situation, then I think this is worth further exploration.

So my life is a roller coaster with some pretty serious dips and turns right now. Good thing I like adventure, right?

How are all of you? Screaming up and down a roller coaster or taking a turn in the tea cups?

Alive!

I am alive. And surprisingly busy. Besides the usual hectic antics at work, I have attended and participated in the wedding of the ever lovely Shaba to her ever lovely Boy. It was amazing and tear jerking and just so beautiful. I hope to write a better post about it soon.

I also attended the baby shower of my beautiful X and her husband. It was wonderful to see her because she’s normally in North Carolina and I’m… I’m way up here in New Hampshire. I love her, though, and she looks amazing pregnant. I even felt the little one kick!

So that’s what I’ve been up to. Oh, and random Pro Tip for all those letter writers out there: If you want someone to start writing to you again, try not sending them a card with a cheerful puppy on the front and nothing but misery and how much of a failure you are on the inside. A little cheerfulness, even forced, can go a looooong way.

Social Studies

So first I got a livejournal. It was high school, everyone did it. Good way to bitch about my little sister and not so subtlety talk about my secret loves. I was so smooth. Really though, my lj had very little of the drama wank everyone talks about.

Then I was going to go to college. I have to find out about who I’ll be living with, right? Find classmates and potential friends, right? So on to Facebook! YAY! That was good times. Still is, when I think about it.

Then I started betraying my beliefs (silly as they may be). I was never going to be part of that sparkle obsessed, crappy music blaring, blinking monstrosity that was MySpace. Fuck that noise. Oh wait… Love has a MySpace and posts quizzes that are fun to read and occasionally contain tidbits about me that make me sigh and smile because GODDAMN AREN’T WE ADORABLE?! Shit, it’s private? Oh, it doesn’t have to blink? I guess I’ll sign up then! Hi, everyone! (I should mention that shortly after I got on there, Love had to start ignoring his… thanks, dear!)

Things mellowed out for awhile. Shaba said I should start a blog and I replied with a well thought response of “meh”. But she started the wheels turning and I started thinking about all the things I would say if I didn’t have to worry about crushing feelings on livejournal or having people up in arms. A blog that I didn’t advertise to all my friends sounded pretty good. It took two weeks to get my name, but whatever.

Then, there was all this news about Twitter. “That’s silly,” I said to myself. “I talk to my friends now and if I really want to, I can go read people’s Twitters.” Then I got bored. And Love joined. And a good portion of college friends were on. And Shaba made hers Friends Only. Fuck, alright. I joined. Actually, it turned out well. I’m loving Twitter. Most of time. When my friends aren’t totally ridiculous and I have the buzzing in my pocket in a meeting (hush, you, silence isn’t for my phone). Twitter is great way to casually stalk them without actually being NEPA. Yes, that is as creepy as it sounds. Hope your shower is warm enough, Sher!

But now I’m thinking of joining Tumblr. Why? Because everyone’s is so pretty! I wanna be pretty! But seriously… how many social media outlets can one girl really use without being ridiculous? Because the next step is Flickr and dammit, I can’t find my camera…

This is the post that makes me look like a bitch. I’m not really arguing that.

Going along with my totally original TMI Thursday post, I thought I’d continue along that vein of innovation and do a confessions post. These are things I’ve wanted to say for years, or minutes and most will probably apply to people who don’t read this and I honestly hope never will. Some might apply to readers. If you’re super paranoid one is about you, ask and I’ll probably tell you. Because I know I’d be paranoid…

Confessions:

~ I don’t want you to be my maid of honor. I don’t even want you in my bridal party. I’m sorry, I actually am. But don’t just assume that you get that place. On that note stop trying to move MY relationship along your timeline. Not everyone wants to be engaged four months into dating. Some do. I really fucking don’t and I hate your condescending tone when you talk about me “one day being married with children” as though I cry every night because it’s been nearly two years and “nothing” has happened. Ever think I don’t want that? Because you never asked.*

~ You are one of the most beautiful people in the world to me and it breaks my heart that you don’t realize it and if I said this to you it might just make your problem worse. I’m sorry.

~ I deal with you because I don’t want to put up with the drama that would come from actually telling you how I feel. I guess that makes me a coward. Or lazy.

~ I really honestly like you a whole lot. Love you even. You are one of my good, close family type friends. Sometimes I just want to punch you in the face. Sorry, I’m violent.

~ Living with you was a surprising type of hell and I wish you nothing good. I wish the people around you luck. But honestly? I’m just not nice enough to continually wish you the best because you don’t deserve it. Occasionally I hope you do well, but that never lasts.

~ You’re boring now.

~ What you did hurts and bothers me so much it’s hard to think about you without getting angry. And it’s kind of irrational because it didn’t even involve me directly.

~ You will always be fascinating to me and I’m so glad we met.

*that got angrier than I meant it. And I do want kids and marriage. Eventually. Emphasis on that. Also this is the confession that got this post started because I want to scream this and know that I probably shouldn’t.

Updated Life

Well… I have officially gradimatated. Which means that at some point I have to update the Boring About Me page. Sadly, I’m nearly fatally lazy so that will probably take awhile.

Along with gradimatating, there have been several other updates in my life. They are as follows:

  • I no longer live in NEPA or That Other State (Also known as the Ocean State). A good portion of my crap is still in the Ocean State including my beloved fish and guinea pig (I MISS YOU!!!) but that will be changing over the weekends.
  • I live in the forest and mountains now. Also known as the NH state. I love it, it makes me happy, calm, and delighted. Usually all at the same time. Good job, new state. Good job.
  • I live with my The Boyfriend now. Yes, I meant to phrase it that way. Enjoy twitching when you read that. That’s right. So now I no longer have to dread the coming of Sunday which meant the tearing away of Snuggles, Loves, Hugs, Interesting Face to Face Conversations, and Hogan’s Heroes. This is amazing and still has not sunk in.
  • We have a house. How cool is that? I kind of copied Shaba there. Or she copied me. Either way, we both have houses and we’re both amazing.
  • We don’t live in the house yet. It needs real floors and some paint. Then we can live inside it.
  • I turned down a job offer because I’m either A) an idiot or B) sane enough to realize that a poorly paying job with bad hours a long and twisty commute away probably would have killed me. So let’s hope I get a positive call from the job I really want!
  • This weekend Drew, The Philosopher, and the delectable Sher came to visit me because they are wonderful, beautiful friends. It was great to see them, show them where I’m going to be and hopefully I didn’t bore them too much.
  • I’m hungry.

Okay, that should do it for now. Hopefully it won’t be so ridculously long before my next update.

Edit: Dear god, I actually stopped being lazy and updated my profile on the same day I said I wanted to! A Christmas Miracle!

Oh, Computer Class

Sorry for the silence. I never said this was going to be a consistent relationship. Anyway, even though I am currently updating from my computer class my beautiful apartment has cable! And therefore stable internet! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! There is much rejoicing.

This is my final semester, unless I manage to screw something up (which I doubt). This has been bothering me lately. Ive been finding myself saying yes to things I know aren’t the smartest (staying up later, or going out on a night I’m tired, sorry, I’m just not that exciting) because I find myself thinking “I can’t do this for much longer, might as well cram it all in now!” This has led to some sexy mornings, let me tell you. I need to just let myself sleep. I can’t keep doing this. But I’m probably going to… because why not? No one has ever died from sleep deprivation, right? Wait… what do you mean they have?

So while I’m clinging to the last bits of college type hanging out, specifically with the friends it will be hardest to see afterwards, I’m also chomping at the bit to get out of here. More and more, I’m anxious to have a real job, to have a real paycheck. I feel so controlled by money and my lack of it. I realize I’m not going to be able to do much or have a lot of money when I get out, but at least I’ll feel like I have a little more control. Hopefully, I’ll still be able to have some late night movie nights with my friends once college is over, but I just don’t want to do this anymore.

And I’d really like a nap.

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