The Red Threads That Tie Us…

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Archive for the tag “dating”

The Anger Sharks are Swimming in My Head.

Le sigh… I was hoping I would be over this, since it happened three days ago, but apparently I have trouble letting go. Not exactly shocking news to anyone who knows me.

I’ve been reading a few articles lately about how telling someone about something that is upsetting you actually doesn’t make you feel better because you hold on to the negative thoughts and feelings instead of just letting them go. Well, I find that when I don’t tell someone when something is bothering me, it builds up in me like something fermenting and rotting until it bursts from the container of me and spills all over the unfortunate soul closest to me. That’s not fun for anyone.

So here’s a Pro Tip for everyone with friends… don’t call your buddy to complain about how what someone said to you really hurt your feelings and was totally out of bounds and then IMMEDIATELY insult your friend that you turned to for comfort!!

I have a friend who is OBSESSED with her husband. He’s the smartest, greatest man that was ever gifted to the earth by God. Never mind the fact that he can’t keep a job. That’s everyone else’s fault. Never mind the fact that he puts her down all the time. That’s just because women are legitimately less intelligent than men. (I get ill thinking about how she believed that at one point.) Never mind all the reasons he’s actually one of the biggest (truly, he’s quite large) stereotypes of white trash out there.

Apparently, the fact that I have a boyfriend who is attractive and cares enough to keep himself in relatively good shape means that he’s a tool. Yes, this friend called to complain that her mother-in-law had absolutely no right to bitch about the state of her house and tell her that she shouldn’t be pregnant and then immediately decided that she’d let me know her illustrious husband has deemed Mike a tool because he’s attractive and works out. Obviously, my friend agrees with her husband and Mike is clearly a tool. Oh, don’t worry, I shouldn’t be offended, her husband was totally a tool back in high school before he hurt his back. Big, giant eye roll on my part.

Arrrrrrgh, this is the dumbest post ever, but I’m still so annoyed. I don’t even know why I’m so offended. I think what made it worse was that five minutes later, she telling me that if I choose to marry this guy, she’s my maid of honor. When I said that I was probably going to make one of my sisters the maid of honor if my life went in that direction, she got made and told me that I had promised her the maid of honor spot. No. Just… no.

I’m sorry, I promise the next post will be better. It’ll probably be Part Two of the story of how Mike and I got together. Or something about how adorable my dogs are. Or an embarrassing story about toilets. I don’t know. Anything would be better.

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Oh, Hello Again

So I am wildly, stupidly, embarrassingly in love.

Except it doesn’t feel stupid. And I’m not embarrassed by it.

I wrote about how I felt about turning 25 and how that plan I didn’t know I had was crumbling before me. I thought about all of my options in front of me. I looked at new places to move and thought about getting back into the criminal part of my degree instead of the mental health part. I decided I’d check those online dating profiles again, but I expected to be disappointed.

And I was. For the most part.

I was talking to several men and just enjoying the flirt as I planned to move or do something different, finally. Perhaps I’d go to Georgia. Atlanta is a very dog friendly city. It would be fun to try something new. A few guys asked to meet and I always found an excuse not to. Even when they got very persistent. It just didn’t feel right.

I kept messaging several guys, but one started to stand out. He shouldn’t have… he seemed to be a lot of what I didn’t normally like. He had a shirtless picture, showing off some (fairly impressive) muscle and while I’m a giant fan of muscle, most of the guys who post ab shots turn out to be self-obsessed jerks. He invited me to come join a poker game he was having with some friends… I’m not a huge fan of gambling. He was incredibly attractive, which has been a sign of a player in my experience on dating sites.  And he lived an hour away. I should not have been as interested. I didn’t think he should be interested in me.

Then he called me. The sparks were instantaneous. I was cracking up, having the best time talking to this stranger who didn’t feel like a stranger. He made me laugh, and blush, and I felt like I could really talk to him. I hate talking on the phone! But I didn’t want to stop talking to him. He wanted me to meet him for dinner the next night, but I didn’t have the gas money or dinner money. He offered to pay for both, but there was no way I was going to let some stranger do that. What if we bored each other? I didn’t want him to pay that much for an evening he didn’t enjoy. What if he did turn out to be a creep and expected me to have sex with him for the money? Finally we agreed to meet the next week, after I had been paid. We talked a little more and hung up. I couldn’t stop smiling. Jessie commented on how happy I looked.

It wasn’t ten minutes later that this guy was calling me back. “I can’t do this… I can’t wait a week to see someone who has made me laugh this much,” he said. “Let me pay for dinner and your gas and if it works out, you can pay for a movie next week… if it doesn’t, you got a nice dinner and I really don’t mind about the money.”

Normally, I never would have agreed. I’m far more cautious and I just don’t operate that way. But nothing with this guy was going to be normal, as I was discovering. I didn’t want to wait a week to see him either. We agreed to meet the next night and then spent another hour on the phone.

The next night was a fluttering of nerves and excitement. We had the standard awkward greeting in the parking lot where we didn’t know if we should hug or shake hands. (I still get ribbed about that) Dinner was delicious and a lot of fun. He didn’t even mind that my ex’s aunt, who was apparently a waitress there, came over to hug me and tell me how much she missed me. We laughed about how they gave out the bread in brown bags. Dinner ended, but we didn’t want the evening to end with it. No coffee shop was open, so we ended up sitting in the parking lot of a gas station with their coffee until 1130 at night. We finally parted, agreeing that we had to meet up again and soon. He asked what I was doing tomorrow. I laughed, thinking he was joking, but hoping he wasn’t. “Nothing that I know of,” I replied and he smiled. We drove away in opposite directions and it wasn’t even two minutes before one of us was calling the other. We didn’t get off the phone until nearly two that morning.

I saw him again the next night. And the next. And the next.

It was the start of something really amazing.

Hanging On for the Ride

It’s hard getting my thoughts in order and then down on the page. I’m so used to being able to write nearly effortlessly that this… disconnect has been very strange for me. Obviously, I don’t write as much as I did and things have been very stressful for the past…. year. But still… I feel I should still write as well and easily as before.

Things have been very black and white lately. 2011 is pulling a Dickens and becoming the best and worst of times. My self-confidence and self-worth have risen to a level I never thought possible. I’ve met some great people and gotten closer to others that I treasure. I find myself a stronger person. However, it’s also been a year of some serious depression and upheavals. Change can be good, but it is always stressful and plans never work out quite the way you saw them originally.

What’s all this vague blah blah blah about? A great example is the end of the July heading into the foreseeable future. My heart was filled to bursting as I traveled back to NEPA to attend the wedding of the Philosopher to his beautiful partner. I got to spend some serious quality time with some of my best friends. Shaba and I have decided this seeing each other once a year for weddings bullshit has to stop. We’re out of mutual friends prepared to make the leap, afterall.

However, the day I arrived, I also got the news I was dreading about the health of a close family member. It is an interesting feeling in the heart to feel incredibly happy and devastated at the same time. Then mix in some fury, since I deal with things well. We won’t even mention the stress from job concerns, since that takes a serious back seat to this.

Another layer added on to this complicated trifle of emotions was that right as all of this was happening, I was also starting something more than just an exchange of emails with a guy from one of the dating sites. The first one to grab my attention and keep it. To make my heart pound. The first one to make me act like a total girl and throw on thirty different outfits before meeting for pizza. He can make me smile from just a text and has me constantly laughing and happy when I’m with him. And I seem to be doing the same things for him (although he’d probably object to being called a girl and I doubt he put on thirty outfits before meeting me at the drive-in last night).

Of course because it’s me, he can’t be a simple guy in my mountains, just doing his thing. No, he’s a Navy man (mmm, that uniform)(also bonus points due to serious pride for my father’s Naval service) who is going through his own share of troubles. An hour and a half away from me. But if he can brighten my heart through the health issues and missing of friends and I can make him laugh despite his situation, then I think this is worth further exploration.

So my life is a roller coaster with some pretty serious dips and turns right now. Good thing I like adventure, right?

How are all of you? Screaming up and down a roller coaster or taking a turn in the tea cups?

Blehh… sunshine and happiness hurt.

So I am in day two of the first migraine in awhile. I’m also
knee deep in day two of brilliant, gorgeous sunlight. Of course the world
decides to explode in lighted glory right as I become massively light
sensitive. The good news is I haven’t thrown up. Yet. Aren’t you glad you’re
reading?

In the dating world, nothing has really improved. There are
definitely some nice guys out there, but honestly, when I get a message saying
that “Clitpleaser86” wants to meet me, I don’t get that excited. At least he’s
up front about what he thinks he can offer a woman. I’ll give people like him
that much. I’m definitely still having fun, so there’s that. I just can’t help
laughing at some of the stuff people think is a good idea to put out there.

I will be more exciting after this headache dies its painful
death. Unless it takes me with it. Then the funeral will be exciting.

 

“I have a feeling.” Yeah, that you’re about to be slapped with a restraining order.

I’ve been doing a little internet dating. Rather, I put a profile on a few sites and others have been doing a little stalking. Originally it was just fun to see who was out there, in fact my friend started it by making me a profile as a joke. At this point? I barely even check the sites.

Don’t get me wrong, it has been an AWESOME boost to my self confidence. I don’t think I’ve ever had so many people complimenting me and trying to get my attention. However… apparently the vast majority of guys are on these sites because no one ever taught them how to talk to women. “Heo[sic] cutie, how you feel about casual sex?” Uhhhh, I think you’re 19, 90 miles away, and EWWWWWWW. “Hey, liked ur pics and u don’t seem totally batshit crazy.” Oh, you could tell that from my three pictures, one of which is of a giant snake looped over my shoulders? You are clearly an excellent judge of character. “Nice pics, here’s my number. I know I’ll hear from you soon.” No. No you won’t.

I get it, a lot of creeps hang on those website hoping for an easy lay. But even those people who seem to be looking for a relationship have no clue how to really talk to anyone. I had some guy lay it on so thickly I was choking. “You are my beautiful internet crush. I have a feeling we’re meant to be. I know we’ve only started talking, but I really can’t wait to meet you. Can you come tonight? I’ll be a gentleman, I promise.”  That one right there continued to text me for two weeks after I stopped responding. The next guy who managed to get my number sent me 36 picture messages in the span of 12 hours and also went a little bananas. He was 22 and already divorced and it wasn’t hard to see why. Sweet lord, the questions he asked, the audacity… it was funny when it wasn’t harassing.

So I’m going back to what I had planned all along. I’m going to be happy with myself (check), be open to meeting new people, and just have a good time. Hopefully without creeps who can’t take even the most blunt of hints.

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