One of my least favorite interview style questions to be asked is “Where do you see yourself in five years?” I hate that question. I hate any form of that question. I’m not great with decisions and I don’t tend to see things in black and white. I’m gray all the way, baby. So figuring out and actually saying where I will be in five years, six months, or however long is a touch distressing for me. I’ve always replied to that with “I don’t know, I’m not big on lists or plans like that.”
Or so I thought.
Then I started getting closer to twenty five. That’s a baby still to a lot of people out there, but it’s a big deal to me. Not a huge quarter life crisis or anything, but it made me realize that actually… I did have some plans. Annnnd they weren’t really happening. And I’m not really sure how I feel about that.
Here’s the deal. I want to be happily married and have kids. I have never felt any sort of rush or pressure for this sort of thing, I just always knew it was what I wanted. Great, dandy, I have plenty of time, right? Wellllllll, here’s where the plan comes in. I kinda thought I would be in the love of my life relationship at this point. Apparently the back of my mind, where all the plans are, thought I would be planning a wedding right about now. Only… I’m not.
I always thought I would get married, enjoy a few years as a married couple, and then have kids when things felt right. Worked for my parents! It’s a pretty good blue print for a happy life if you do it right. But I wanted to have kids around twenty eight. And I wanted to date my wonderful soul mate for a few years before we got married. You know, work out whatever kinks we could. Then have a few years of married life to work out whatever kinks pop up then. Finally, add kids. You see the issue? Kinda hard to shove all of this into just three years. Especially since I was single when I started this post. (More on that later) Doesn’t really work into this plan I didn’t know I had.
I feel stupid admitting all this. My life is pretty good right now. I’m only twenty five (nearly). I have a lot of freedom and time, a lot of paths open to me. But it feels really weird to see what I didn’t know I thought would happen slowly fading away as a possibility. It’s weird to realize I was a secret planner and only figure that out when a plan doesn’t come together.
So if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be over here, feeling a little embarrassed for how silly I sound, and mapping out my next plan. Which may or may not happen. But the journey better be really exciting.